I’m participating in Reverb10 this month. In the words of the creators it’s an “annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.”
I’m starting a few days late but I’m going to do the first three today to catch up. Better late than never right?
December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
My word for this year is GROOVE. Google tells me that Groove has a few different shades of meaning and my year encapsulates all of them. When it means: “a long narrow furrow cut either by a natural process (such as erosion) or by a tool.” I think of work and how it has eroded, changed, so much of who I am; more aspects than I’m even aware of I think. Sitting in a chair 8 hours a day has physically changed my body composition and my movements. My hips are always tight and my eyes always tired. I told myself and my boss when they hired me that I could commit two years of my life to them. And yet here I am coming up on my third anniversary. Another definition is: “rut: a settled and monotonous routine that is hard to escape.” Please cue work talk again. The monotony of this job, the guaranteed paycheck, the lenient work policy and, who am I kidding, the fear of change has made it all too easy to stay. So here I am, in a 40 hour workweek, feeling slightly like Edward Norton in Fight Club (am I dreaming or awake?). The days of work run together, I’ve forgotten if I called that person or paid that bill because it’s all too similar to differentiate. This is the negative connotation of groove that I reluctantly embrace. On bad days this is where my thoughts dwell and I am overcome with fear that I don’t have the courage to pull myself up and out of this groove.
The final definition of groove is: “Furrow: hollow out in the form of a furrow or groove; ‘furrow soil’ “. This one makes me happy. This reminds me of planting seeds in March and April with the kids and anticipating what our hard work will reveal in the months to come. I think of putting things in their place and creating routines and order, of putting solid roots down or creating a strong base. Tobias and I celebrated our first year of marriage, our second year of living together, and our third year of being together this year. As of now, my beautiful step-children have lived with me for longer than they haven’t. We have created a family this year, more so than before. We have created traditions and made memories. We have worked hard to sow our seeds and will reap the benefits.
My word for 2011 is Exuberance. The years are passing faster and faster and I am taking less and less time to acknowledge my blessings and be thankful. Work, bills, money, relationships, LIFE! piles up so quickly and I get so caught up in worries and what-ifs that I let it all slip past me. Next year I will appreciate it all. I know that I won’t like everything that happens but that’s not the point of exuberance for me. I want to embrace the act of living! Embrace the change and the hard and the stuck and the hurt and the love and the laughs and the fun. When I’m stressed or worried or angry or scared my go-to fix has been to get in my car and play music so loud I can’t hear myself think, or work-out so hard I can focus on nothing but completing my reps, or put on a movie and live someone else’s life for two hours. Not next year. Next year I will sit with my whole messy wonderful life and I will be thankful for all of it, even the parts that suck.