I was told yesterday that I’m too intense and that I talk too much. These are not new concepts or terms for me but they are ones that I haven’t heard in a while, ones that I haven’t thought of recently. I’ve surrounded myself with people that “get” me and by people that enjoy my company and that I feel good being around. When I was reminded that that’s not always the case it made my cheeks sting and my breath catch in my chest. So I thought about it for a bit and I went to bed with a bruised ego and a kind of heaviness in my stomach but the next morning, in light of the new day, I could say “Thank you” to that person for a few things.
1: Reminding me why I choose to hang out with the people I do. The ones that love me unconditionally, that get energized from being in my presence? They make me feel good and I make them feel good and that’s a win/win for everybody. That’s something I want to foster. Those are the people that I want to spend my time with, not with people that don’t appreciate my gifts or think I’m too much. Too Much. There it is. That’s the Gremlin, isn’t it?
2: Being reminded that I’m not perfect and that there are people that don’t like me gives me a chance to practice one of my core beliefs which is that “What other people think of me is none of my business” and their thoughts and feelings about me don’t get to and don’t need to affect me. The instant I heard those “too much” words, I forgot that. This is a practice that I will continuously come back to so I said “Thank you” to this person for reminding me that I still have much to practice.
3: Finally, and this is the biggest one I think. I said “Thank you” because it sheds light on my shadows. And it sheds light on the places where I still need to do work for myself. Not because anybody else doesn’t like me. Not because I’m too much or too big or too anything for anybody else. I need to work on this because it still bothers me. And if it didn’t bother me than it wouldn’t affect me. If there’s not a button to push, the button can’t be pushed. Worrying about what people think of me is an energy suck. It’s not where I want to put my energy and it’s not how I want to live my life. Allowing a practical stranger’s opinion of me affect my daily life means I’m not living my authentic life; I’m living my life through someone else’s eyes and that’s a half-life. That’s not what I want. That’s not what I deserve. That’s not what anybody deserves.
So I say “Thank you” for reminding me of my tribe, for reminding me that I get to work on not caring what other people think about me and reminding me that I have Gremlins that still need to be flushed out.
What can you say “Thank you” for, today?